FORGIVE AND FORGET (LUKE 17:1-4))

SERIES: DON’T BELIEVE IT, PART 6

GCEFC: SEPTEMBER 13, 2009

INTRODUCTION

1. We’re continuing in our Don’t Believe It” series today with Part 6: Forgive and Forget.

2. This series is an exploration of 7 common beliefs that we should not have. Things that we may even think the Bible teaches. But upon a closer look, we find it doesn’t.

3. This morning we’re looking at what the Bible teaches about forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the most important biblical concepts to understand correctly.

4. Forgiveness is not only at the very heart of God’s character—but God expects it to be at the heart of the character of his children too.

5. None of us progress very far into even 1 day without the need to be forgiven or the need to extend forgiveness.

6. It’s an inevitable certainty that people will say things that hurt us. Or do things that harm us. They’ll do things that bring us pain, sadness, anger, bitterness—maybe even hatred.

7. It’s only a question of time before we do such things to others.

8. We may wish our behavior was always exemplary and godly. But we know that we’re constantly in need of being forgiven for what we’ve done.

9. Whether it’s toward our spouse, our children, our parents, our friends, or our colleagues.

10. Just as we’re constantly in need of an attitude of forgiveness toward those who’ve hurt us. All the more reason to understand forgiveness from a biblical perspective.

A. COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT FORGIVENESS

1. Sometimes clearing up misconceptions about something can go a long way toward true understanding of it. So let’s begin with some misconceptions about forgiveness.

2. One of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness is that it means denying that an offense has occurred.

a. It’s the mistaken belief that in order to forgive someone, I must be prepared to treat the offense as if it never happened.

b. So we’ll say something like: Oh, you didn’t do anything.

c. But, if nothing happened, then why is forgiveness even an issue? Why would I need to forgive someone for something they didn’t do?

d. Some people struggle with forgiveness because they believe that forgiveness requires denial of the offense.

e. This stems from the belief that if you really forgive someone for what they’ve done—you no longer harbor the thought of it. Otherwise it’s less than true forgiveness.

f. But this is just not so. Forgiveness is not about denial that an offense occurred. It’s about releasing the offender from the feelings you have toward them for doing it.

g. You don’t deny what they did. You forgive them for what they did.

3. Another common misconception about forgiveness is that forgiving means forgetting. You know the truism: Forgive and forget.

a. But does forgiveness require forgetting? If an offense is serious enough to require forgiving, then it’s unlikely to be forgotten.

b. And it nearly goes without saying that the more severe the offense, the less likely that it will be forgotten—ever.

c. So where does this misconception come from? One place is JER 31.

d. Here God expresses his own commitment to forgiveness when he says: For I will forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more.

e. But there are problems with this application. For one thing, God is omniscient and forgets nothing. God has never forgotten anything and never will.

f. Besides, the verse doesn’t even say that God will forget sins committed, it says that he will remember them no more.

g. So what’s the difference between forgetting something and not remembering it? To forget means: to fail to remember; the inability to recall a particular thing.

h. But God doesn’t fail to remember what he’d like to recall. When the Bible says that God remembers our sins no more, it means that God no longer responds to us as if we committed the sins. The past sins have no present impact on our relationship.

i. A theologian would say it this way: God does not remember our sins in that there is no further claim against the sinner for recompense by a God whose holiness has been violated. And no further state of resentment against the transgressor for past misdeeds, since all demands have been met through the act of atonement.

j. So if someone came to God and tried to indict you for a past sin for which God forgave you, God might say something like: Yes, I recall that sin, but I forgave him for it so I’ve chosen not to remember it.

k. If you could forget the sins committed against you, then I suppose that would be a good thing. But it’s not required for true biblical forgiveness.

4. A third common misconception about forgiveness is that forgiveness should restore the relationship to its original state prior to the offense.

a. When you and I are wronged by someone, our tendency is to hold a grudge, be bitter and resentful, and sometimes we even desire revenge or payback.

b. We’re apt to demand our rights and restitution. We want the score settled.

c. Fortunately God is not like this. God is willing and ready to show mercy and abundantly pardon.

d. And God has an ability that few humans have to completely forgive and completely restore the relationship. For humans it happens, but it’s rare.

e. When grievous sins are committed against a person, it’s challenge enough to extend genuine forgiveness to the offender.

f. But to ask for full restoration, harmony, and a return to the relationship that existed before the offense is not only unreasonable and unrealistic—it isn’t required.

g. Sometimes forgiveness comes only after a cycle of sins committed and forgiveness granted. And a deep-seated sense of distrust develops.

h. So much that it’s not only impossible to restore lost trust, it can be foolish to do so.

i. In the case of serial adultery, an ongoing pattern of dishonesty, abuse, and crimes of violence, it would be foolish to place oneself in a position of vulnerability again.

j. If it’s possible to restore the relationship, so be it. But it may not be possible nor even wise. But this does not disqualify the forgiveness nor make it less than genuine.

5. The last misconception I want to address is the belief that genuine forgiveness removes the consequences of the sin committed.

a. Probably the best known biblical case of this is David, the second King of Israel.

b. In the prime of his reign as king, when God had blessed him beyond description, David committed 3 very serious sins.

c. He committed adultery with the wife of one of his soldiers. When she became pregnant he covered it up. Then he arranged for her husband to be killed in battle.

d. Eventually David was confronted by Nathan, the prophet. David admitted what he had done and repented. And God forgave him and said that he would not die.

e. But what was done was done and it brought untold hardship and pain upon David and his family for his remaining years.

f. Forgiveness is a godly and honorable thing to grant and receive. But it does not magically remove the consequences of sin.

g. Some things can’t be reversed. Some acts bring consequences that cannot be stopped.

B. THE PRACTICE OF FORGIVENESS

1. So now that we’ve identified common misconceptions about forgiveness, let’s look at some biblical principles surrounding forgiveness. We have time for 3.

2. #1: Forgiveness is the duty of every believer and follower of Christ.

a. In LU 17:1: Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.’

b. In other words, it’s inevitable in this world that people will sin against you. And inevitable that you will sin against people. Take it by faith.

c. But it’s always a serious matter when it happens, so be on your guard that it doesn’t. Jesus goes on to say it would be better if a millstone were tied around your neck and you were thrown into the sea, than for you to cause a fellow believer to sin.

d. This is hyperbole of course. But the point is that it’s a serious matter and we should be careful not to sin by causing others to sin.

e. If it happens…V3: If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him

f. So a Christian has the following duty. To call a fellow believer on sin when it’s known. And when they repent of the sin to forgive them of it.

g. No Christian is ever free to not grant forgiveness. Especially to a fellow believer. It couldn’t be more clear: If he repents, forgive him.

3. Definitions of forgiveness

a. Let’s take a moment and look at some definitions of forgiveness. Forgiveness is:

b. Giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.

c. It’s an act of our own personal will in obedience and submission to God’s will.

d. Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation, or anger against another person for an offense, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

e. Forgiveness is a way of releasing ourselves from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others.

4. #2: There is no limit on the number of times we must forgive those who ask.

a. In MT 18 Peter came to Jesus one day and asked him how many times he should forgive his brother when he sins against him? Up to 7 times?

b. Now Peter knew that the law required him to forgive an offending brother up to 3 times. On the 4^th infraction forgiveness was no longer required.

c. So Peter magnanimously adds 4 times to the requirement. He must have felt pretty good about himself.

d. But Jesus had a surprising answer for Peter. He said: I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven. Not 490 times—but without limit to those who ask for it.

e. So why such generosity with forgiveness? Jesus answers the question with a parable.

f. About a man unequivocally forgiven of an enormous financial debt he owed. Who then went out and demanded repayment of a very small debt somebody owed him.

g. Jesus’ point is that people like us, who’ve been forgiven so much by a God who is perfect and holy, should be more than willing to forgive other sinners who have sinned against other sinners like us.

h. So we can never say to another person that they’ve used up their allotted forgiveness quota—there is no quota.

5. #3: Though forgiveness usually follows repentance, it doesn’t always.

a. Two biblical examples come to mind. The first is when Stephen was being stoned to death as he was preaching.

b. We read in ACTS 7:59: While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’

c. And of course, when Jesus looked down from the cross and said: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

d. So, we can grant forgiveness whether someone requests it, or wants it, or deserves it, or has earned it.

e. Forgiveness is something that we do, sometimes in spite of our lack of desire to do so. Sometimes in spite of any logical reason to do so.

f. Forgiveness is the act of our own will in obedience and submission to God’s will.

g. Maybe more times than not, the person we’re asked to forgive doesn’t deserve it. Which is why they may need it all the more.

6. To be fair, there is great benefit to the giver of forgiveness. But we don’t forgive primarily for our benefit. Though sometimes we do benefit most from it.

7. Here are 3 reasons we forgive others who have sinned against us.

a. First, God commands that we forgive. He doesn’t present it as optional. The Word of God says: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

b. Second, we forgive in response to our own forgiveness. Our sin against a holy God is immeasurably higher than any sin that will ever be committed against us.

c. We forgive because we’ve been forgiven. We may never be more god-like than when we forgive those who don’t deserve forgiving. People like us.

d. Third, forgiveness frees us from the destructive power of anger, hatred, and bitterness. To dwell on how I’ve been wronged or badly treated doesn’t help me, it doesn’t help my offender, it displeases God, and it stifles my spiritual growth.

8. We all should be eager to forgive. And eager to receive it from those we’ve wronged.

9. When you balk at doing it, you may want to make a list of all that you’ve been forgiven of. This may just give you the perspective you need.

10. And if you still aren’t too keen on the idea, ask God to give you the desire to forgive. Once you have the desire, you’re more than halfway there.